The Ripple Effect...

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006 was simply the worst day of my entire life. Think about that for a second. I have. And I've had some pretty crappy days too. Like when I watched my little brother get hit by a car (kind of my fault, but still not as bad). Or the day when I watched my older brother get into a car accident. The list could go on.

unequivocally, nothing I had ever done had ever effected so many people. I screwed up big time, there is no getting around that. And it was definitely something I had caused.

Let me start at the beginning. This semester has just been simply insane. I was taking 15 credits (not that many I know), class president, actively involved with my extension church an hour and a half away, working nearly 40 hours every week, and I had begun to start dating a very lovely young lady. My time was gone. It was nuts.

The problem came in when my school work started slipping a bit. I wasn't as focused on it as I needed to be. I was being driven by other (not wrong) activities. Trying to pay off the school bill, serving in church, doing the best class meetings we could, and keeping my new found relationship in order. The school work, I decided, could just kind of be there, and I'd get to it when and if I could.

Well, before I knew it, project due date came, or, at the time, was quickly approaching. There wasn't much due, except in one class, which I hadn't been keeping up with very well. American Constitutional History with Dr. Perdue. We were taking indepth look at the Constitution and supreme court case decisions that affected how we interpret the constitution today.

Assignments over the course of the semester included analyzing specific court cases indepth. 6 or 8 were assinged over the semester. Well, I didn't really keep up with them and decided I could just turn them in with the project.

The project itself consisted of outline a chapter in the second book, analyzing a court case at the end of that chapter, and writing a 5 page summary about what I had just researched. By 5 A.M. on project due date, I had all the court cases done and caught up, I had the outline and the special court case done. All I needed to do was a 5 page summary on something that I had just spent the last 36 hours researching like nothing I had ever done before. Piece of cake right?

Should have been. But it was 5 in the morning. I only had about 4 hours of sleep in the last 36, and my mind wasn't quite working the way it normally would. Needless to say that my judgment was impaired (but, again, this was my fault).

So I did something that I don't remember doing, but I clearly did. I turned in something that wasn't my work at all. I blatantly took something off the internet and turned it in with my name on it. I don't know what I was thinking, or how I rationalized it in my mind. I cheated and that's all there is to it.

Last Tuesday is when I got caught. I shudder to think about what would have happened had Dr. Perdue not have caught it and turned me in (as he should have; I hold no contempt for him, he did what was right, rather than me choosing to do wrong). After I took my last final, and Dr. Perdue hated out the assingments we had turned in just a week earlier, he told me I needed to see him later. I thought it was no big deal, that I probably wasn't doing well in the class and he wanted to know how he could have helped me. Then I looked through the package of stuff I turned in, and there with my plagiarism work was printed off a copy of the website I taken it from. I think at that point, my heart stopped beating. I honestly couldn't remember doing that. But I also couldn't remember writing the paper either. The reason was clear: I didn't write it.

I was really shaky the rest of the morning. I didn't know what to say or think. People could tell something was wrong, but no one knew what (because I wasn't saying anything....at all). Then Mr. Richards informed me off my academic DC meeting at noon. That's when I knew that not only was I in a good bit of trouble, but I also was affecting a lot of people.

that's what happened too. My decision affected WAY more people than just me. Though I did the act out of stupidity and selfishness, the consequences affected more people than I could have ever realized.

---I couldn't be student body president anymore
---I couldn't be an RA (or a PC for that matter) in the dorms
---I probably won't be able to go back to Faith in Plymouth because of being on disciplinary probation
---I couldn't travel for and represent the school (meaning no camp team)

I let a lot of people down, that's what hurts most. I let down every faculty member and student here at school. I've let people down at my extension and home church. I let my extension group down (I have the car for next semester). My parents haven't condemned me, but, I know they are disappointed (wouldn't you be?). The ofcourse there are you guys, my friends. I've let you go on thinking that I'm a good guy or some bunk like that.

What I'm most disappointed about is letting down Dr. Harrison and my fellow Camp Team members. I've been looking forward to this summer since October. Now, I'm stuck in Watertown cleaning office buildings. We've worked on stuff all this semester, songs and games and whatnot. While it won't be that hard to replace me (I wasn't carry any of the songs and the skits aren't really that hard), the fact is, they shouldn't have to look for anyone. Now they have a month to try and find someone to fill in, if at all. (I guess a positive outlook though guys, finding clothes for Person X will be a lot easier than it was for me).

I'm sorry. That's all I can say. There is nothing else I can do. No matter how many times I say that though, its still there, and it doesn't change anything. I made a terrible choice. Now others have to suffer through the consequences of my actions.

I threw the stone into the lake, and now the water is rippling....